Two days ago I had an exam on International Human Rights Law. Basically, every possible little thing about the United Nations and more. I’m on my fifth and last year of University and, because I did an internship abroad from January to May, I couldn’t attend my courses and take my exams during Springtime obvs.
When I came back from Brussels I wrote down a plan: what to do every week in order to study for my exams whilst writing my thesis about fake news, social media, and democracies.
After a while I started feeling very anxious: I couldn’t sleep at night and I was crying most days, so I took a step back and rescheduled my plans… oh, bare in mind that I’m a bit like Rory (Gilmore Girls) and I always want the best grades. My exam on International Human Rights Law was awful and now my life is messed up again.
The problem is not even this exam, I know I’ll be able to succeed next time, the problem is the feeling of being a failure, of letting University define myself. On top of that, I feel like I have no time to do everything even with endless to-do lists by my side.
My world is spinning around University and University is making me very unhappy at the moment but I cannot give up, so there is not a way out.
It’s not easy dealing with failures in life.
Moreover, here in Italy if you decide to go to University after High School, you won’t get out of it before 24/25 years old. It’s a choice you make of course, but then you see around you hundreds of people already settled by that age and you’re like “What about me? I’m still stuck here”. Don’t get me wrong, I love studying Political Science (my master is about International Relations and European studies) but 99% of the exams are oral = more anxiety + hope the professor will not be an asshole with you.
So here I am, dealing with my failures and trying to get out of this negative state of mind. If you have any tips or you had a similar experience, leave a sweet comment below. 🙂