Dealing with failures

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Two days ago I had an exam on International Human Rights Law. Basically, every possible little thing about the United Nations and more. I’m on my fifth and last year of University and, because I did an internship abroad from January to May, I couldn’t attend my courses and take my exams during Spring time obvs. When I came back from Brussels I wrote down a plan: what to do every week in order to study for my exams whilst writing my thesis about fake news, social media and democracies.

After a while I started feeling very anxious: I coudn’t sleep at night and I was crying most days, so I took a step back and rescheduled my plans.. oh, bare in mind that I’m a bit like Rory (Gilmore Girls) and I always want the best grades. My exam on International Human Rights Law was awful and now my life is messed up again.

The problem is not even this exam, I know I’ll be able to succed next time, the problem is the feeling of being a failure, of letting University define myself. On top of that I feel like I have no time to do everything even with endless to do lists by my side.

My world is spinning around University and University is making me very unhappy at the moment but I cannot give up, so there is not a way out.

It’s not easy dealing with failures in life.

Moreover, here in Italy if you decide to go to University after High School, you won’t get out of it before 24/25 years old. It’s a choice you make of course, but then you see around you hundreds of people already settled by that age and you’re like “What about me? I’m still stuck here”. Don’t get me wrong, I love studying Political Science (my master is about International Relations and European studies) but 99% of the exams are oral = more anxiety +  hope the professor will not be an asshole with you.

So here I am, dealing with my failures and trying to get out of this negative state of mind. If you have any tips or you had a similar experience, leave a sweet comment below. 🙂

 

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// Due giorni fa ho avuto l’esame di Tutela dei Diritti Internazionali, che praticamente consiste nel sapere ogni minima cosa riguardante le Nazioni Unite e di più. Sono al quinto e ultimo anno di Università e, dato che sono stata all’estero da gennaio a maggio per un tirocinio, non ho potuto seguire i corsi del secondo semestre e dare gli esami. Quando sono tornata da Bruxelles ho scritto un piano di azione: cosa fare ogni giorno della settimana per riuscire a preparare 4 esami e intanto scrivere la tesi di laurea, in inglese.

Dopo poco la preoccupazione si è trasformata in ansia: non riuscivo più a dormire di notte e per questo finivo per bere troppi caffé di giorno e piangere troppo spesso, quindi ho fatto un passo indietro e ho riscritto il mio piano per fare le cose con un pochino più di calma. Ora, so di essere un po’ come Rory (Gilmore Girls) e non mi basta passare un esame, voglio il voto più alto che posso ottenere (a parte negli esami di Economia o ovunque sia implicato un numero o la costruzione di grafici). Il mio esame in Tutela dei Diritti Internazionali è stato tremendo e mi sono ritirata, per cui dovrò ridarlo. Sono – ancora – a quota 3 esami e tesi di laurea da scrivere.

Il problema non è neanche l’esame in sè, so che la prossima volta riuscirò a passarlo con successo, ma è questa sensazione di fallimento. Dicono di non prenderla sul personale, ma insomma anche la tua mente che non riesce ad assorbire tutte le informazioni è un fallimento! Alla fine i voti a qualsiasi stadio della scala educativa ti definiscono\ti fanno sentire come se ti definissero. Oltre a questo, mi sembra di non avere tempo per fare tutto, anche con infinite rassicuranti liste di cose da fare al mio fianco, e tutti mi ripetono “ma dai tanto ormai sei alla fine”. Metterei dello scotch sulla bocca di chiunque pronunci questa frase, visto che mi sembra di essere stata investita in pieno da una valanga mentre riuscivo già a vedere la vetta della montagna.

Comunque non fraintendete: mi piace la magistrale in Relazioni Internazionali e non mi pesa studiare, vorrei solo evitare gli esami e il pacchetto di angosce che li accompagna, specialmente perché la maggior parte di essi sono orali. Sto cercando di passare oltre e ritrovare l’ottimismo, ma se avete consigli lasciate un commento. 🙂

 

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  • I can relate to this in a certain way! It can be really difficult for me to deal with my failures sometimes, especially when I’ve set myself a certain goal and as I am quite a driven and ambitious person in general. But in those situations I’ve been trying to tell myself that it’s not a failure but a lesson, and the next time I know and will do better. Our grades don’t define us, we’re so much more than that 🙂 It’s so hard to remember sometimes but so true! ♥︎ xx

    • Thank you so much!!! I’m now a bit more optimistic: I’m gonna study more and in a different way and I’m gonna smash this exam next time! #POSITIVEVIBES. 😀
      Thank you again. <3 <3

  • I handed my last dissertation (the equivalent of a thesis in England) at the end of August, and now I’m anxiously waiting for the result, and hoping that I have my master so I can finally start working full time! I’m just like you, even though I love my studies, I sometimes feel stuck in it, and at 22, I do feel weird about the fact that I’ve never had a proper job (did the usual summer ones of course, but it isn’t the same). I don’t really have any advice, but talking to some people who didn’t choose to do studies always help me, because they are quite envious of us as well. As for grades, I always try to remind myself (and I will for the next 2 weeks, before my grades arrive) that it isn’t what you will remember in 5 years, you will just remember how hard you’ve worked and you will be proud of that! Hope it helps a little.

    http://fannyanddailybeauty.com

    • Thank you so much!! You also reminded me that even you feel like you’re alone in this, there is always someone else on the same boat. I wish you the best for you dissertation result. Thank you again. <3

  • I know exactly how you feel, dealing with feelings of failure can be very difficult. Just remember that it’ll pass and no matter what, things will get better. I know it sounds very cliche but this has helped me a lot in my life. Wishing you the best in everything. xx
    Coco Bella Blog

    • I’m really grateful for all the nice comments I’ve received. You’re so right, things will work out in the end. <3 #POSITIVEVIBES

  • We’ve all been where you are at a point in time. Dont beat yourself up about this. You will pull through.

    The Glossychic

    • Thank you so much!! It’s true, I need to be more positive, I can do it!!!! #POSITIVEVIBES xx

  • Lippie 143

    Oh darling .. ever people who have achieved great things had moments like this. There is always tomorrow to try again .. you are amazing and stronger than you think x

  • I think that everybody can relate to this in their own way. For me, I just have to have to take a step back and try to put everything into perspective!

    Danielle xx
    http://www.fashionbeautyblog.co.uk/

    • You’re so right. I’m already more positive after all these nice comments. Thank you so much lovely lady <3

  • First of all you haven’t failed – it’s all learning at the end of the day. Stay positive and plough on through – it will be worth it in the end

    franklyflawless.com

    • You’re right. It’s hard but it will be worth it not to give up now. Thank you so much babe <3

  • When you start thinking about failure, keep in mind how far you’ve come. It’s so easy to stay in the moment but try to take a step back and breath. http://www.mrsqbeauty.com

    • That’s a lovely advice. Thank you so much, you’re so right <3

  • The Sunday Mode

    Um first off, you are bloody gorgeous!!

    I’m a total Rory when it comes to schooling and grades as well, so if I didn’t get a good grade or something like that it definitely would send me into a panic/sadness spiral. I’d just say to remind yourself how little you’ll care about if you did badly or failed an exam in 10 years time. I remember when I failed an exam when I was younger (I didn’t know to flip the paper over and the exam was double sided!!!) and I was absolutely devastated, crying and asked my teacher if I could re-do the exam. Now years later I actually laugh at that story! I couldn’t care less. Hopefully that makes you feel a bit better 🙂

    Julia // The Sunday Mode

    • Thank you so much for your kind words, I truly appreciate readers like you. You cheered me up. Thank you again babe. <3